The Night Club Research, no. 2

As hinted in the previous post, my thorough research of rare species observed in night clubs did not involve only male samples. I extended my observation on the opposite sex, too and am now pleased to inform you that when it comes to women, one certainly can find a comparable number of extraordinary species in the female spectrum of club visitors, as well.

The silent hunter

If you read the first half of my research, the first type may seem particularly familiar to you. Why, you may ask. Simply because the silent hunter is the female equivalent to the observer type I mentioned last week. The difference is almost non-existent. The silent hunter usually sits alone (or in a company of fellow silent hunters) by the bar, sips on one or two Cosmopolitans the whole night and relives the Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City fantasies in her head. Observing the dancefloor and its nearby areas, she carefully picks her future prey. Her plan is to look posh and wanted, never leave the bar stool and move the upper part of her body slowly to the rhythm of music. You see, the thing is, she never approaches anyone first and is determined to wait until someone spots her in the crowd and talks to her, which, as I managed to observe, often results in a wasted night spent sitting by the bar. If she turns out to be successful, well… that´s a whole another story worth its own thorough research.

The freshly dumped
Now, this is a type that most of us hope to never become. This female individual usually looks bored, and for a good reason; she was probably dragged out of her pyjamas, popcorn and TV by her best friend who couldn´t bear looking at her self-destruction caused by watching Nicolas Sparks movies. The only thing that roams her momentarily empty mind is to reconcile with her bedsheets.

Or, on the other side of the spectrum, she may put on her “I am starting a new chapter” face and get wild, drink too much, dance on the bar and get noticed by the Casanova types who see only one of many successful hook-ups in her. If she is lucky and has a good girlfriend constantly watching her back, she has a good chance to break free. If her friend happens to be entertained by the Casanova´s best Casanova friend, the trap is set and the guy probably gets his lucky night. Having nothing to lose, the freshly dumped female probably doesn´t even mind.

The dancer
Presumably the most innocent type of females visiting the night club. Well, innocent in a sense that she doesn´t go clubbing to find a guy or get drunk. Her main reason is to dance off all the stress and clear her mind… getting drunk is just a welcomed bonus. She is usually accompanied by a friend who looks after her, “shooshes” away all the unwelcomed male visitors while the dancer enjoys the music with her eyes closed, not giving a shit about her surroundings and how her dance moves look like. 
Seeing how low the chances of hooking up with her are, the Casanovas usually skilfully avoid her, which she doesn´t even notice. If someone dares to approach her, it better be a male version of her own species, who roams the club for similar reasons as she does; to blow off the steam and have a decent dance-round with her.

The dancer usually leaves the club at early morning hours feeling great and slightly tipsy, but always manages to remove her makeup and get to her bed safely.

The girl with empty pockets
If there is any male audience to my little private (public) cyber space, BEWARE! This is easily the worst type of female population roaming the night clubs. And truth be told, I noticed loads of them during my nights out conducting my research. You see my friends, some girls have this old-fashioned (truly Renaissance, Shakespearean times-worthy) idea, that when it comes to paying for drinks, it´s men who are supposed to pay. Some go even higher, expecting that men whom they never met before fall under this category, too.

I mean, has all the feminism, sexism (and any other ism) disappeared? Why are you calling yourself a feminist during the day, when you expect strangers to pay for your excessive drinking during the night? Did you forget your ism at home? Try to pack it in your clutch next time and don´t wander from table to table asking guys to buy you drinks. Trust me, it´s not hot.

The sugar baby
The sugar baby is, funnily enough, tied to the previous type in many aspects. However, there´s a major difference; this girl usually ends up finding herself a personal walking wallet, who is not only eager to pay for her drinks, but also for the life of a princess that she dreamt about for so long. Yes, I am once again referring to the previously mentioned rich grandpa from the barstool, also known as a sugar daddy.
It seems so inviting; the vision of luxurious holidays, expensive jewellery and champagne on ice indeed seems like a dream, but everything must come to its end, eventually. In this case, the bitter reality hits her in the face when she accidentally spots his old, saggy grandpa-butt and thinks to herself: “holy fuck, I am dating a pensioner!”

Or, the realization might never hit her because her immediate sight is overshadowed by luxury. In that case, both sides are satisfied – the older gentleman has a young pet to keep him company like a faithful doggy and the young lady has a gold credit card to keep her busy and prevent her from thinking about young sexy guys who she could have hooked up with instead that night in the club. At the end, the dreamy princess life is what she always wanted…

So there you have it! My research is officially over. Once again, I must remind you that there are probably many more rare species roaming the clubs from Friday to Sunday. If you can think of any other that I might have missed, please do let me know in the comment bar right under the article.

Until next time,

čauko, Lenka J